It’s a warm Saturday afternoon in Thailand’s capital city. I’m in a car headed to my hotel when I see an Indian looking man walking alongside the traffic with a girl slung over his shoulder. No one bats an eyelid.
The man looks young but sports a paunch fit for a 40-year-old. The girl looks young – though given that everyone in Bangkok looks underage – and isn’t resisting one bit. If anything, she’s enjoying the attention. You don’t need a rocket scientist to figure out what’s happening here. Most men, young or old, visit Thailand for one reason: sex.
I’m in the Land Of Smiles as part of a media contingent to cover a tech event. Obviously, I’m intrigued about Thailand’s nightlife. Visiting their temples is great and all, but if you’re going to visit a country who’s sex industry generates over 100 billion in local currency per year, you best believe they have something great to offer.
Sadly, that isn’t true. You don’t go to Bangkok for the quality within their sex industry, you go for the quantity. Bangkok wins at the numbers game. The girls in that part of the world are cheaper and willing to make men – mostly Indian and British – feel like they’re big. That, for a man, is priceless.
I started the evening off with a couple of friends from the trip by heading to a bar in Cowboy Soi. At a table adjacent to us, a waitress was going down on a local (presumably). In Bangkok, there is this phenomenon called “blowjob bars”. Here, you buy a drink for one of the bar’s waitresses and depending on how expensive the drink, you get rewarded with a blowjob or more.
Here’s the kicker: the girls aren’t half as attractive or even into it as you may think. They call it a blowjob but it’s more of a handjob with an occasional lick. There’s no pretence of pleasure. It’s the girl’s job and she’s not interested in how satisfied or comfortable you are with her. The night got worse when we ventured into the infamous streets of Patpong. In a bid to live through a scene from The Hangover, we strolled into a couple of go go bars. Let me assure you, there’s nothing sexy going on in there. Sure, it starts out fun. The women awkwardly dance and strip, and there is that fun bit with the ping pong ball, but from there on, though, your night gets progressively scary.
The scary part starts with a woman who decides it’s a good idea to light a cigarette perched between the lips of her vagina. Not only does she light it but somehow inhales and exhales smoke through her lady bits. It’s a freak show.
The next girl walks onto the stage with a few darts in her hand. She the proceeds to stick some balloons over the bar where people are seated before sitting on the stage and planting a dart inside her vagina – pointy end on the outside. She takes aim and shoots. She was accurate, I’ll give her that.
Dazzled yet? No? How about turned on? Yeah, didn’t think so.
But wait, I’ve saved the worst for last. The last girl we saw before we left, brought blades onto the stage. Cut a few pieces of paper to prove it had sharp edges and then, one-by-one, put them into her vagina. Unscathed, she pulled them out. These girls have a weird set of skills. None of them sexy.
It’s worth mentioning that while we sat there watching the show, some women came by asking for tips. Obviously, they did this fully naked. While they did that, a few other girls either yet to perform or already done with their bits for the night sat in a corner eating.
Notice how I haven’t touched on any ethical gripes I may have with the system here? Undoubtedly, some of these girls are underage and most of them underpaid. That’s not what I wanted to talk about anyway.
Even if you’re willing to overlook all that, the fact that these girls are not even remotely appealing in what is supposed to be their element is just sad. And sympathy is what we felt as soon as we stepped out of the go go club.
Thailand’s sex scene isn’t sexy. It’s just sad.
Main image courtesy: Matt Greenfield